Your guests have commitment issues. Here's how I work around them.
Plus an easy-but-impressive French dish that might guarantee you some RSVPs.
A lot of people ask me how to get people to actually commit to your party. Raise your hand if you’ve asked yourself the same question in the past year!
Well, sometimes you just need to entice people. Nothing secures an invite more than saying “I’m making braised duck. Can I count you in?” I’m kidding (kind of).
In all seriousness, you’re not alone. The data backs it up. And no, it’s not just a New York City problem. The “commitment gap” is real. According to research, most free events have a 40-60% drop-off rate. People also wait until the last minute to commit to your event — 29% of attendees register on the same day as the event.
The “perception gap” of a great event is even more harrowing. 78% of event organizers believe their event delivered memorable “peak moments”, while only 40% of attendees agree. When barriers such as cost, logistics, workload, personal and family commitments are competing with your event, you’ve also got to promise people a night that feels worth clearing their schedule for!
Lastly, 87% of attendees at large events report feeling isolated, and in research done this year, approximately 1 in 5 U.S. adults report experiencing "a lot of loneliness" on a daily basis.
WHEW!
Your complaints are valid. People crave connection, but are unwilling to show up for it. And yet they cancel. They wait until the last minute to RSVP. They say yes and then wait for something better to come along.
Part of it is the world we live in: over-scheduled, overstimulated, and it being all-too-easy to cancel plans through a breezy text message. But I'd argue the bigger issue is that most events don't make a strong enough case for themselves. You’ve got to make sure your event stands out amongst people’s current commitments.
With so many competing factors, how do you actually get people to show up for the event you’ve planned so thoughtfully?
Build anticipation.
The mistake most hosts make is going silent between the invite and the event. You send the invite, you wait, you hope people sign up.
But anticipation is a design choice. It’s something you build.
Tease something specific: a dish you’re making, a guest you think your friend will want to meet, the promise of an after party, etc. Give people a reason to look forward to the night before it happens. Dangling a bit of intrigue in front of people makes them think “oh right, that’s going to be good” — and can be the difference between a maybe and a yes.
Think of it as warming up a room before anyone arrives.
Persist with follow up, and tell people why they're invited.
This might sound counterintuitive at scale, but back when my job was to get journalists to the launch of a new hotel or restaurant, the single most effective thing we did at our agency was follow up with each invitee personally, via email. You’ve got to explain the value of having them specifically in the room.
I might have told a journalist their presence would matter because they have an interest in regional-specific food, so they'd definitely appreciate the Kerala-style Indian cuisine an up-and-coming chef is bringing to West Village.
For a poetry dinner, I might tell someone I've been dying to hear their writing, and that them sharing might encourage others to do the same. I’ve told friends how much I appreciate their presence at massive wine parties because they’re so great at making sure newcomers feel welcome. For a company launch party, tell someone how grateful you are for their continual support — and that this party is your way of saying thank you.
The goal is to invite people to explore something outside of themselves and express how their presence will shift the room. By doing this, you’re saying “I chose you for a reason.”
People don’t show up for events. They show up for people.
But that leaves us with a question: how do you create events that are worth people clearing their precious schedules for?
How do you close the perception gap? You want to make sure people aren’t just in the room, but that they feel something once they're there.
Well, if you’re in New York, you’re in luck! On Wednesday, June 24, I’m hosting another Spirit of Hosting at Kitsby in SoHo, 7-9 PM.
Let’s drink fun wines together and talk about events! I’ll present on how to create powerful moments that transport your guests to feeling connected and welcomed. You’ll meet other event enthusiasts and event planners, people who care about these topics, and we’ll talk honestly about what makes events work. Bring your questions or your upcoming event ideas, because at Spirit of Hosting, part of the value is the collective wisdom everyone brings to the room. :)
Tickets are $75, but for readers of Anyone Can Host, we have a code for $15 off: Gather2026. Grab your ticket here.
Hope to see you there!
much love,
rachel
In the Kitchen
Braised Duck and French Lentils
Easier than you might expect: the possibility of a one-pot meal frees you up to handle all the other things you need to get done before your guests come over! Like set the table or touch up the bathroom. Quick enough for a weeknight but decadent and impressive enough to secure those invites. Yes, you can also swap out the duck for chicken if you want to simplify the process or create the perfect meal prep for the week. Lentils hold over exceptionally well over the course of a week.
